Yoga and the Art of Softening the Heart

The colors of love are in the air at sunset. Nature knows how to make us fall in love over and over again.

I’d like to share a story I received yesterday from the School of Practical Philosophy in their Daily Reflections email.

Night and Day

The master asked his disciples: "How do we know when the night is over and the day has arrived?" The disciples pondered the master's question. 

One answered: "Master, night is over and day arrives when you can see a house in the distance and determine if that's your house or the house of your neighbor."

Another disciple responded: "Night is over and day arrives when you can see an animal in the field and determine if it belongs to you or to your neighbor."

A third disciple offered: "Night is over and day has arrived when you can see a flower in the garden and distinguish its color."

"No, no, no," thundered the master. "Why must you see only in separations, only in distinctions, only in disjunctions? No. Night is over and day arrives when you look into the face of the person beside you and you can see that she is your sister, he is your brother. That you belong to each other. That you are one. Then, and only then, will you know that night has ended and day has arrived."

Unknown Author

We celebrated Valentine’s Day this month, which always presents us a good opportunity to explore the incredible possibilities of love, while at the same time protecting our own vulnerable hearts from the challenges that loving too much can bring.

This month I experienced the highs and lows of love. I love the work I do as a teacher and actor. My lover and I had a misunderstanding that festered and became something bigger than it needed to be. I know the feeling of a heart so overflowing with love that it wants to be a spigot of generosity that doesn’t want to be shut. I also know the very human experience of needing to protect a heart that is hurting. Through it all, I was inspired and helped along by the teachings and words of a few sage individuals.

Donna Fahri reminded me that:

"Yoga is fundamentally about befriending yourself, knowing how to be loving towards yourself. As the One All, how could you not be loving towards the One All? [Yoga is about] befriending others, because there are no strangers anymore – there is no separation." 

As the parable of Night and Day teaches us, we are all part of the One All. And yoga is meant to help to remind us of that each time we practice. Each time we each breath into an asana on our yoga mat or fully experience a breath when we’re out in the world, we are asked to just keep trying to be loving and kind to ourselves in order that one day we see little distinction between ourselves and others.

Pema Chödrön said:

Soften what is rigid in your Heart.  Work on yourself.  Work on your Heart.

The work is always on and with our own selves first. Because the keys to liberation lie within us. I think the practice involves both protecting this heart of ours when it feels the pain of loving too much as well as exploring the immense potential of an open-hearted relationship to the All Ones outside of ourselves. In relation to our yoga asana practice, at times we take child’s pose to keep this heart protected and safe, while at other times we explore poses like wheel or camel so we can explore the possibilities that come with opening the heart to being vulnerable while exploring our capacities for loving openly and generously.

Lastly, when my heart felt pain, I remembered these words by Sharon Salzberg from her insightful book Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness:

… In cultivating love, we remember one of the most powerful truths the Buddha taught … that the forces in the mind that bring suffering are able to temporarily hold down the positive forces such as love or wisdom, but they can never destroy them.… Love can uproot fear or anger or guilt because it is a greater power. Love can go anywhere. Nothing can obstruct it.

Each time I feel the pain of love, I try to remember that these feelings are just temporary, like “clouds in the sky” as Buddhists would say. As an Artist, at times I’ve experienced intense and great love for the incredible diversity and beauty of both the natural world as well as human creation and invention. These moments are great reminders for me of our immense human capacity to love and to feel love and loved. They are great anchors to hold on to when the waters of love get rocky. Ultimately, my lover and I reconciled because we both know at a deep and intimate level that our love for each other is the greater force than anger and fear are. With great loving comes great explorations of the ups and downs of love, all of which can strengthen our love relationships. But as Buddhist Meditation teacher, Gina Sharpe, told me personally back on January 17, 2011, when I was amid a personal despair: The antidote to fear is loving-kindness. Our path to healing and back to exploring the power of love starts with us being as generously loving and kind to ourselves as we can possibly be. This is the heart of yoga and meditation practice.

May you be happy, …
May you be healthy, …
May you soften what is rigid in your heart, …
May you realize that night has turned into day, …
May you be loving and kind to yourself first,
May you know the full power of love, … for the benefit of ALL Beings everywhere. 

Aloha and Metta,
Paul Keoni Chun

The colors of love are in the air at sunrise. How can one not help falling in love!